Thoughts of my Heart
by Morgana-Alex
Summary: Minerva is worried that Albus doesn't feel for her the way she feels for him. One-Shot


**Disclaimer:** As usual I wish I did but I don't. However the poem is mine, if you want to copy it please email me to let me know.

**A/N:** Hello everyone. I know I've been away for a long time but I have done a lot of writing to make up for my absence. **Morgana-Alex**

I wrote this last week when I was feeling particularly low, I also wrote the poem, the story's beginning is a little sad but please read until the end I promise it is worth it.

**Thoughts from the Heart**

**My heart has been closed for many years; **

**Much sadness has caused it many tears.**

**But now love in my heart does grow, **

**Yet more sorrow than bliss it has come to know.**

**I do not seek to cause you pain, **

**Nor do I seek to apportion blame.**

**Two people it takes to build and to tear apart, **

**No matter what objections are received from the heart.**

**Guards were let down and pasts were just what went before; **

**Letting hearts open up and be cared for.**

**Age and experience are to time a thief, **

**Promising joy but leaving grief.**

**They say absence make the heart grow fonder, **

**But I just have to sit and wonder, **

**If my love unrequited be, **

**Then pray tell what will be come of me.**

**By J.A.A 2004**

Now is perhaps not the best time to ask of your intentions; to ask if I am more to you than the discardable fling I suppose myself to be.

But before I do I have to ask myself if I truly wish to know the answer to my question, would it not be better to be happy in ignorance?

Would such ignorance make me happy? No I know it would not, the pain of uncertainty is far worse than the pain of rejection.

I am pacing my bedroom from the window to the fireplace and as I look down at the carpet I realise that it is exactly this kind of action that has made the weave beneath my feet threadbare.

But I digress the point of this exercise is to clear my head, to rescue me from the indecision that is plaguing me.

I am a strong, resilient, self-assured woman and yet you can reduce me to weakness and vulnerability. If this is what it means to be in love I am not so sure I want to be, to have to rely on someone else for my happiness is unacceptable.

However right now I wish your strong arms were around me keeping me safe and warm. Is it fair that to give myself up to this completely I would have to lose part of what it means to be me?

Is that what scares me? Am I afraid that I will lose myself in my love for you? Am I afraid of losing control?

I suppose this is all academic until I know your feelings for me; until I ask my question.

I look up as I hear a knock on my portrait and then down at my clothes deciding if I am suitably dressed for visitors. The answer is it depends on who it is but I open the door to my chambers regardless.

"Albus." I say as I gesture for you to pass me and enter my rooms, I notice your perusal of my attire as you enter my sitting room and the smile that is tugging at the corner of your lips amuses me.

"Minerva while I am not complaining I must ask do you always answer your door in so provocative an outfit?"

"Only to you." I smile as I say the words, the distance you had closed between us I now reinstate by walking to the window.

"Minerva is something wrong?" You ask and this time there is no hint of amusement.

I'm trying to decide whether you know what you're asking me to say and whether I have the strength to say it. I've been quite a little too long and once again you are at my side, confusion etched on your face.

"Minerva..." I lay a hand on your arm and turn to face you.

"Albus what do I mean to you?" As soon as the words leave my lips your face falls and for a moment the tension in the air is palpable.

"Minerva you mean a great deal to me, you know that." An answer but it isn't enough I need to know if you want us to have a future.

"Do I Albus?"

"Minerva I...please don't make me say it." My heart sank, do I truly mean that little to you?

"Make you say what Albus? You say I mean a great deal to you. But what does that mean?" You now leave my side to sit on the rug by the fire. Sighing you take your head in your hands.

"It means Minerva that you can wound me deeply, but also that you can stir up great joy in my heart. It means that when I am not with you I am counting the minutes until I am back at your side. It means my dear that I am very much in love with you." I'm crying as I move to sit beside you on the floor.

"I'm sorry Albus."

"No My dear I am the one who is sorry. I'm sorry if I never really showed you how I feel, I'm sorry that until now I haven't said the words. I'm sorry that by not spending time with you I have let you think that I didn't really care."

"I love you Albus."

"And I love you my dear, dear Minerva."

The End

**A/N2: I know it's a little angsty but that was how I was feeling and I needed to write it down. Please review if you have the time. Many Thanks for reading Morgana-Alex**

**P.S For those of you waiting for the next chapter or Risking My sisters Wrath I will be uploading it tonight. MA**


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